Don't Ask.....

So I had a really great weekend.  A friend organized a party that was an adult version of a backyard sports and it was tons of fun! I have noticed though that people look to see if I am drinking, it's not me being paranoid - I have had some of my friends come right out and ask when refrain from drinking "if there is a reason".  So, far sadly the only reason is that sometimes if I am not in the right frame of mind (good mood) and drinking can bring me down... it's no fun.  

When we are in a big group of our friends... and they ask: when are you having kids, any kids for you, thinking about starting a family, when are you guys going to start popping 'em out...? I have little patience for it now.  I feel as though I have been fielding these questions for over a year now.  I know they don't mean any harm - even though you really shouldn't ask anyone that question.  At the party I just wanted to have fun and not deal with the questions or the stress of how I will respond.   

When asked for the third time that day about having a baby, this is what occurred:

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Q: When are you and going to have a Baby?

Me: If it were up to me, I'd already have a baby.  We have been trying, and we have a problem... that we are working on.  

Q: Shooting blanks, huh?

Me: No, the problem is me.  I have PCOS, and currently taking diabetic medication in hopes to help me conceive.  PCOS is a hormonal imbalance - it's been a really hard time.

Q: Oh.  

I think the thing with infertility is- it does affect so much of your everyday life.  Friends & family have said - don't let it consume you, don't like it take over.... if only it were that easy.  I try to brush off incidences like that, but they stick in my mind.  I know I have to let it go, but in some cases.... I feel like everyone is so intolerant, and all I want is compassion, not just for me but my Hubs as well.  I think it makes people uncomfortable, and they don't know what to say and half the times it's offensive.

Animal Kingdom

So after a recent visit to the Zoo this weekend it got me thinking, thinking about mating, love, life, child rearing and the communities we live in.  I don't know how I feel about Zoo's - in general terms... I believe they are good for learning, maybe conservation.... but that isn't my point not looking for a debate.

A pic from the Zoo this weekend
Brookfield Zoo 2/4/2012

A pic from the Zoo this weekend
Brookfield Zoo 2/4/2012

In the animal kingdom monogamy and life long bonds are pretty rare.  What makes us humans different?  How do the stresses we create for ourselves or subjected to make a difference in our our being?  Are true love stories really a "Hollywood Fable"?  From what little research I gathered I think there are roughly a bakers dozen of different species that mate for life.... so the minority not the majority. Maybe it's the approaching of Valentine's Day that has me thinking, but I treasure every moment with my Husband and with my family. Going through the medical issues I have, facing infertility.....all of this impacts me and my relationship with everyone I encounter.  Overall I know I am blessed and grateful.

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As a child I went to Catholic school where the student body wore uniforms (I wish I had a work uniform now) - sometimes for special events we were able to wear "street clothes" a very favorite outfit of mine was a legging & tunic set with neon colored angel fish.  I always thought they were so pretty, and it was my go to outfit.  I can vividly remember the outfit to this day.  I have forgotten what it's like to feel comfortable in clothes recently, again separate issue.  Did you know that French Angel Fish travel and hunt in pairs?  Or how about Seahorses, the role is reversed in this case and the male is primarily responsible for gestation - ahh... if only, then I wouldn't have to worry about my PCOS when it came to TTC.  However, I should mention that  from what I gather Seahorses do not mate for life.



I'm very lucky I have an understanding partner that is very supportive.  I know what I am most likely unpleasant certain times of the month - and the constant worry about PCOS & infertility or my slight hypochondria tendency gets very annoying.

I have been dating/married to my husband for about 7 years now.  I'm happy that we have and continue to grow together.  We have most absolutely grown into different people and we are constantly growing.  I realize more and more how important it is to stay connected and grow together.  We don't agree on everything - we mostly likely never will, we appreciate each other differences - maintain open minds and give undying support.  I know that I have to be open for anything, I realized that anything can happen I don't know nor can predict the future and I have to be prepared.  PCOS, Infertility, and TN have taught me change is constant and I have to adapt.  If only the animals that mate for life could give us some insight - I wonder what they would say?!?