Currently I have a lot of down time at my job. I do, do things to keep myself busy... like vacuuming, re-organization, filling of re-filing, walking up and down 6 flights of stairs every other hour to get some exercise, and more cleaning. But there is this great brand new computer in front of me with lightning speed internet and I have a nasty habit of sitting in front of the computer for long periods of time at Facebook for example looking at all the baby pictures out there... looking at everyone's happy faces, chubby cheeks, and hospital photos.
I'm torturing myself. Why do I do this?
I'm already not feeling well, with a sinus infection which I think was brought on by flying, weather change, and allergies. So, since I'm already not feeling well ...I decide to "rub salt in the wound" and look at baby pictures for 2 hours today.
It's sick I know.
Then if I am able to break away for being a total creep on FB, I move onto pinterest and explore all the nursery styles and kid pin's ppl have up. I have seen some ppl. on pinterest that post "Someday" boards that have baby names, nursery decor, baby gifts...... but I just can't bring myself to do it. I have "liked" some baby posts but I eventually delete them. It's hard for me to let ppl. (family/friends) in - I don't want them to know of my struggles. I'm even now rethinking this post, but I thought this was a better way to use my time them cyber stalking.
Why do things have to be so hard?
I'm not stressed out, just generally frustrated by my situation. With my birthday now in the rear view mirror.... I can't help but think I'm behind missing out - and so help me if someone else tells me "you have plenty of time" or "it'll happen when you are nothing thinking about it" I pity the person for I don't know if I'll be able to keep it together.