Rumor has it.... I'm turning 30!

So there is a rumor going around that I thought I'd address before it got out of hand.... lol yes, I am going to be turning 30 (in a lil over a month)!  It always seemed to far away and well now it's almost here.  I told my husband that I want to do something really fun for this special birthday, I'm turning 30 before most of my friends- and honestly my friendships with most of my girl friends has drastically changed since they all recently had children = I'm kinda out of the club now.  I wanted a sit on a beach with the hubs and get a chance to reconnect.  We were thinking Aruba - but we had such a great time is Hawaii that we want to try a different island we are thinking Kauai.


If anyone has been to Kauai - please let me know we are looking into hotels now.

Love this suit from Target! $34.99

So here is the other issue - BATHING SUIT.  I lost 6lbs since on MetforminER/DCI which isn't nearly enough to get into my old clothes.  I'm feeling really awkward at the moment - I feel like I am at the in-between stage of a size 10 and 12 so subsequently - nothing fits well.  Currently at 158.6 I hope that by April I can loose 8 lbs.  I think it's a good goal to shoot for - I am just going to need a lot of encouragement.

I think if I could get down to 150lbs. - the clothes I have may fit better and I may not have to get a new bathing suit.  I like a bathing suit that covers my butt and bikini line - another annoying side effect of my hormonal imbalance is bumps/cysts on my bikini line.  I think look terrible and hurt- does anyone else have this problem?  If so do you have a remedy?


I'm interested in a home work out video I can do in the morning - nothing more then maybe 20 mins - or a good video on youtube.  Please comment with suggestions of videos that you find useful.  I know lots of moms exercise with work out videos when the babes are napping - so I'm really interested to know what ones are helpful.  I think I am also going to start a food journal for the first week - see what I can improve on.

Ovulation Craziness

So, next month I think that I will take the advice of my cyber blog pals and get the ovualtion kit with the  :) smiley face (I think they said it's clear blue) rather then try and decipher these stupid lines.  By nature I am a double-checker, re-checker... so I question everything.  These kits with the lines are maddening so difficult to read.  I struggle with interpretation - I like definitive answers.  

I have looked on other blogs for pics of other test, and I'm not sure how other kits work - but I have noticed that ppl. are saving the strips and writing the date on them, according the test I am using -  you are to dis-guard the test after 5 mins - I'm using the Answer Ovulation 20 strip test kit and those are the instructions.  I guess the other gals have different test.

I know something is going on b/c when I first started the test the line was very faint - hardly appeared in the "test" section. This is what the test looked like this week.

Looking at the test - taken at the same time every morning,  the "surge" was Tuesday/Wednesday.

Ovulation Tracker

Why are these kits so hard to read..... is this a "surge" or not?!?!?!

It's def the darkest the line has been but I feel MAY be just a tad faint on one side.  I know it's upside down but my computer is not cooperating today.

What do you guys think?  I have never used a test like this before.

This is the Answers Kit - ovulation 20 test strips kit.

THANKS!

Preparation for Paczki Day

I have been doing really well on my new lifestyle diet, since I made a conscious effort to work on my PCOS diagnosis.... however as many Polish American's or Chicago Residents know tomorrow is PACZKI DAY! I look forward to this day all year long.  In years past we have ordered from Webers bakery but this year we are trying out Bridgeport bakery.  My favorite is usually Cherry, I have never had the fresh Strawberry and cream so that is what I am most looking forward to this year.    Being 1/2 Polish and going to Polish school/dancing classes as a kid I know all about my heritage and Paczki Day is def. one of my favorite traditions.  I remember eating them as a kid- and all the excitement surrounding the day. It's a fun tradition to pass along - I hope these bakeries are open when I have lil ones!  

So My Dad and I will make the drive at 5am to line up at the bakery (even though we have our orders placed) and then deliver some to my Grandma and Uncle - go home and then divide them up between 3 other couples (Mom and Dad) (Sister and Husband) (Me and Hubs).  

This is my order this year: 

 2 Poppy Seed

 6 Cherry

 6 Prune

 4 Apricot

 2 Strawberry w/ Whip Cream 

+ 2 Lemon 

 2 Peach

______________________________

24 TOTAL

I think I am going to have to do double time in the gym tonight.... I pry shouldn't eat for a week after tomorrow, lol.  I also plan on wearing pants with an expandable waist :). I'm already feeling guilty about eating them - at least it's only once a year.  I just hope all this sugar doesn't anger the PCOS gods.  

For those unfamiliar with Paczki Day check out this clip below.... filmed in Detroit a fews years ago, but the lines are similar to what we see here in Chicago.  

Friday....

I am really glad the weekend is here, very thankful!

I had a really hard time sleeping last night.  I was tossing and turning with TN face pain - I think I went down soundly at around 3ish.  The Affrin really seemed to help - I must have some sort of sinus thing going on that is triggering the nerve.  

I just don't know what causes it and neither do the doctors.  It's not worth going to the neurologist and paying a copay, so her med student can suggest drugs I can not take since I am  TTC.   I'm a tiny nervous that the pain could come back, but taking it one day at a time.  (Since we are currently TTC the epilepsy drugs are not an option)  There is a "blocker" shot I can go in for but that would have to be if things get REALLY bad - I'm totally not interested in and it sounds horrid.  The worst it trying not to think about it - it's truly impossible.

    

I feel like a new person this morning though...  No. More. Pain. !   

          

It's really refreshing to wake up with out it, or rather not being woken up from it.  I really do feel like a new person.  The pain this time lasted for about 48 hours.  That may be why I have not really had much of an appetite this week - I wish the scale would reflect that.     But, like I said I am feeling better and that is all that matters.  

Still monitoring my ovulation and so far no surge in the kit - I'm getting a bit anxious about it - seriously, I hate waiting so annoying!  I also plan to start working out again this week, now that I am feeling better. Yesterday, I also started my second bottle of the DCI for PCOS dietary supplement.  Hmm, that was a lot of little updates :)

I hope everyone has a great weekend.  Thanks for all the encouraging notes this week!

Sick Day

Migraine & TN pain

I stayed home yesterday b/c I woke up with a terrible migraine and trigeminal neuralgia facial pain.  I think I may have a sinus infection and maybe that is triggering the TN pain.  I have been drinking lots of liquids, taking a hot shower, using affrin, and trying to catch up on sleep.  I took a picture of my face- I wanted to see if I could see any inflammation.  I always over analyze - so who knows if there is really any difference though.... I see it though on the picture.  


I was able to go back to sleep which helped tremendously with the migraine, however I did notice the TN pain in my face most of the day.  After I went back to bed I noticed it wasn't the crippling pain associated with the headache- just an  annoying jolt here and there -the worst is/was the pain/pressure in my ear.   


My plan it to take it easy the next couple days.  I an not going to be chewing any gum on wearing eye makeup for a couple days, historically those have been triggers.  Just hoping it doesn't linger or progress to where I need to make a doctors appointment.  


Currently I am feeling really super duper tired.  I was able to sleep through the night last night -and still don't feel rested.  I also have no appetite.  I have no eaten breakfast today and and not hungry at all - but I will force a granola bar so I don't feel even worse. Ugh, I am so crabby.  Looking forward to leaving work and chilling out.  

Music and my Health

When watching the Grammy awards this weekend, it got me thinking.  Music is so very important, I totally take it for granted.  Music truly inspires me to be a better/different/loving/open person.  I may not be up to speed with that is "cool or hip" but I like what I like and that's that.  I also think that music it at a crossroads as well - between auto-tune, record labels, artists, and fans - what are ppl. really "in" it for?

It's an important question in anything you do.... what are you "in"it for?  Why do I want a baby/family, what career is right for me, or what are my priorities?

Music inspires me to get moving.... a little nudge to work out, take a walk, it give me the much needed jolt of energy.

Music inspires me to see things differently - a new perspective is often very refreshing when I am stuck in a rut. 

Music can be calming when sitting in the tub, or I am relaxing before bed.  I have recently been listening to vintage radio programs - it's fun and it gives my eyes a rest.

Music can help me diffuse my anger is times of rage and impatience.

Music can make me laugh - (or you laugh if you are ever lucky enough to notice any of my sweet dance moves)

What are you listening to?

Will you be my Valentine?

HAPPY VALENTINE'S DAY 

I hope that everyone today feels loved and cherished.  

XOXOXO

This Card reminds me of my family, I feel I had this poster when I was kid.  My mom always decorated the apartment so well - with red hearts and glitter everywhere!  

I can't wait to have a family with little ones - and do all the fun things my parents did for me as a child.  

 This card reminds me of my friends.  I'm so grateful to have so many wonderful loving people in my life that care about me.  Friends are so important, and as I have gotten older realize  - friends are hard to make.  I am very grateful for all the supportive women in my life.

This card represents the LOVE my husband and I share - 

no matter what.... we have each other!

Animal Kingdom

So after a recent visit to the Zoo this weekend it got me thinking, thinking about mating, love, life, child rearing and the communities we live in.  I don't know how I feel about Zoo's - in general terms... I believe they are good for learning, maybe conservation.... but that isn't my point not looking for a debate.

A pic from the Zoo this weekend
Brookfield Zoo 2/4/2012

A pic from the Zoo this weekend
Brookfield Zoo 2/4/2012

In the animal kingdom monogamy and life long bonds are pretty rare.  What makes us humans different?  How do the stresses we create for ourselves or subjected to make a difference in our our being?  Are true love stories really a "Hollywood Fable"?  From what little research I gathered I think there are roughly a bakers dozen of different species that mate for life.... so the minority not the majority. Maybe it's the approaching of Valentine's Day that has me thinking, but I treasure every moment with my Husband and with my family. Going through the medical issues I have, facing infertility.....all of this impacts me and my relationship with everyone I encounter.  Overall I know I am blessed and grateful.

www.copyright-free-pictures.org.uk 

As a child I went to Catholic school where the student body wore uniforms (I wish I had a work uniform now) - sometimes for special events we were able to wear "street clothes" a very favorite outfit of mine was a legging & tunic set with neon colored angel fish.  I always thought they were so pretty, and it was my go to outfit.  I can vividly remember the outfit to this day.  I have forgotten what it's like to feel comfortable in clothes recently, again separate issue.  Did you know that French Angel Fish travel and hunt in pairs?  Or how about Seahorses, the role is reversed in this case and the male is primarily responsible for gestation - ahh... if only, then I wouldn't have to worry about my PCOS when it came to TTC.  However, I should mention that  from what I gather Seahorses do not mate for life.



I'm very lucky I have an understanding partner that is very supportive.  I know what I am most likely unpleasant certain times of the month - and the constant worry about PCOS & infertility or my slight hypochondria tendency gets very annoying.

I have been dating/married to my husband for about 7 years now.  I'm happy that we have and continue to grow together.  We have most absolutely grown into different people and we are constantly growing.  I realize more and more how important it is to stay connected and grow together.  We don't agree on everything - we mostly likely never will, we appreciate each other differences - maintain open minds and give undying support.  I know that I have to be open for anything, I realized that anything can happen I don't know nor can predict the future and I have to be prepared.  PCOS, Infertility, and TN have taught me change is constant and I have to adapt.  If only the animals that mate for life could give us some insight - I wonder what they would say?!?

The S word.... STRESS

Recently I have had a hard time sleeping and have been feeling really stressed. I hate the word "stress" - it means to very many things and can be interpreted a million different ways.  Recently I am stressed, I have like this "internal barometer" that goes off when I become overly stressed -  I suddenly become obsessed with turning things off, and imagine a raging fiery inferno from my careless actions.  It's this strange fear of causing a fire - and living in a high rise feeling responsible for everyone I would impact.  I should note that: I HAVE NEVER LEFT ANYTHING TURNED ON.  I can only self evaluate it to something I can control.  Since I can't control my weight, acne, fertility... I will make sure the coffee pot, lights, curling iron, heating pad, basically anything with an on off switch is off.  Then I check recheck, and check again.  It's crazy, I don't do it all the time.

I have not been sleeping well either, this I think is a huge factor.  Since it's winter my TN pain in my face sometimes acts up and that effects my sleep.  I have also been stressed about all my related PCOS issues.  My husband took on a new work schedule and that has taken me a bit of getting used to.  I know I need more sleep, I just never feel rested.  For awhile I was taking Melatonin but now that I am TTC and have PCOS it can inhibit ovulation so I stopped taking that as soon as I found out.   I tried reading before bed - but instead of getting sleepy I just think about the book and my mind races.  I think I may not have chosen the best book "We need to talk about Kevin" - it's kind of disturbing, but I want to read the book before I see the movie that came out.  

I'm sure this is  just a phase that hopefully will pass soon.  I have been working out and eating better hoping that I will physically feel better, but as anything it takes time.  It's kind of funny to me - b/c as a kid I remember hearing my mother often complain that she was stressed - and I always wondered why, how, who...... now I know it's just everything that is beyond control.  I guess I never really admit it but I like to be in control - I wouldn't say I am a control freak, but I have a really bad habit of visualizing something in my mind and when it doesn't  turn out as I envisioned it  - I am irritated and stressed.   

Answer

So this morning I started the Answer ovulation predictor kit.  I bought it a couple months back... but wasn't able to start using right away - because up until this month I wasn't getting a period.  

I wish that these tests were a little bit easier to follow in the morning when I am half asleep.  There seems to be a lot of reading that results in "pee in cup, insert stick, wait".  Maybe I should write the instructions for these kits, a new job calling... maybe?!? ( I just noticed that the box says, testing made simple.... hmmmm)  Or how about "Ikea" picture instructions?  Maybe it's just me but I am truly am a zombie in the morning - I really don't remember anything until after a shower.  Reading the test without glasses this morning was interesting - but I think I managed to figure it out.

So what I am hoping for is to the a "Surge" which means ovulation will most likely happen.  I am going to be testing now everyday at the same time.  I started the test 3 days after my period since me cycles are longer.

I am hoping for the best.  Wish me Luck.

PCOS and my closet - they are not friends

I finally got my period last week - (if you have not read the recent posts).  Until then I was feeling pretty disheartened in general.  PCOS has affected lots of things about me.... but a really hard aspect to deal with is  -  not feeling good about myself.  


I really don't enjoy shopping like I used to and  I am no longer interested in going places where I may need to dress up.  I have never been a gal that "needed to put her face on" before going out, I used to be totally secure in my appearance. I only used makeup when I wanted to - and felt totally fine leaving the house in "lazy stretch pants" or a basic hoody.   Now, it's the opposite - I feel extremely insecure about my appearance.   I have zero desire to "dress up" or  "put on make up" I actually view it now as a huge chore, rather then something I used to enjoy.  

I went from 128 to 164lbs in a years time, when I went of birth control pills(currently at 157).  I have loads of clothes that don't fit and that I can't part with.  We have a very convenient Salvation Army Donation bin in my condo building, and I have donated plenty of items.... but there are so many I still have kept hoping that I would/will/maybe fit into one day.  I should really find out how much money I have spent in clothes these past years - I have had to totally update my closet with larger sizes a few times.  


I have a closet that ranges from size 4 to 14!  It's maddening to me - to be reminded of all the things that I love - that simply do not fit.  

Although, one good thing (good kind of) to come out of this weight struggle is I have gotten better about "saving" clothes.  Classic example 2 years ago I bought a winter jacket near the end of the season on sale with the plan to "save" it and wear it as a new winter jacket the following winter.  Well, as you may have guessed it doesn't fit... and most likely never will.  I am not saving anything anymore... who knows if it will fit next week?!?  Does anyone else save clothes?  I used to do it all the time. I also have noticed that I like to stick to key pieces in my wardrobe - and then I totally wear them out and ignore other clothing, but that is a separate issue. 


I think this week I am going to try to sort out my-closet and get serious about donating, wearing and of course a small hopeful pile for some items that I love and can hope to fit in to.  My closet causes me much anxiety - b/c I know that I really don't have many items that fit - or that I need to try on to see if they fit.  To the unsuspecting eye - you'd think I was obsessed with clothes.  So check back this week and I'll keep you updated on how it went.  

Oh Happy Day.........It's Here!

If you would have told me 10 years ago I'd be thrilled to get my period- I would have never believed you.  I am not sure if it's the combination of the Metformin  & DCI Chiral Balance combo..... or one of the two, but yesterday I finally had a period on my own without the assist of a Provera prescription.  

Things are starting to look up, after a hard week.  

I had called the Dr. on Monday this week and asked her to up my Metformin prescription - since I am only on 1000mg a day, and I had heard that 1500mg was the "golden dose" for PCOS gals.  My Dr. said that she didn't feel comfortable doing that, and to "stick it out, or call the OBGYN if I just didn't want to wait" for a prescription for Clomid.  My Dr. said to be patient (not a strong trait of mine) - and that I should keep in mind that "there is the possibility Metformin may just not work".  Until that very moment, I had never thought that taking the metformin wouldn't work for me.  Of course then after we spoke I stressed all week that I may be taking Metformin which makes me feel sick and miserable all the time for nothing!  

Well I am so glad that is seems like everything is starting to work.  I feel totally re-leaved, actually!  This week I have been walking home from work, I walked on the treadmill one night, and I have been making smarter food choices.  I'm glad that I finally see some improvement in my situation - I needed this HUGE boost.  

So, I think now I may be actually able to start tracking out my cycles.  Here is hoping for the best!

This is so funny.