Wednesday, February 8, 2012

The S word.... STRESS

Recently I have had a hard time sleeping and have been feeling really stressed. I hate the word "stress" - it means to very many things and can be interpreted a million different ways.  Recently I am stressed, I have like this "internal barometer" that goes off when I become overly stressed -  I suddenly become obsessed with turning things off, and imagine a raging fiery inferno from my careless actions.  It's this strange fear of causing a fire - and living in a high rise feeling responsible for everyone I would impact.  I should note that: I HAVE NEVER LEFT ANYTHING TURNED ON.  I can only self evaluate it to something I can control.  Since I can't control my weight, acne, fertility... I will make sure the coffee pot, lights, curling iron, heating pad, basically anything with an on off switch is off.  Then I check recheck, and check again.  It's crazy, I don't do it all the time.

I have not been sleeping well either, this I think is a huge factor.  Since it's winter my TN pain in my face sometimes acts up and that effects my sleep.  I have also been stressed about all my related PCOS issues.  My husband took on a new work schedule and that has taken me a bit of getting used to.  I know I need more sleep, I just never feel rested.  For awhile I was taking Melatonin but now that I am TTC and have PCOS it can inhibit ovulation so I stopped taking that as soon as I found out.   I tried reading before bed - but instead of getting sleepy I just think about the book and my mind races.  I think I may not have chosen the best book "We need to talk about Kevin" - it's kind of disturbing, but I want to read the book before I see the movie that came out.  

I'm sure this is  just a phase that hopefully will pass soon.  I have been working out and eating better hoping that I will physically feel better, but as anything it takes time.  It's kind of funny to me - b/c as a kid I remember hearing my mother often complain that she was stressed - and I always wondered why, how, who...... now I know it's just everything that is beyond control.  I guess I never really admit it but I like to be in control - I wouldn't say I am a control freak, but I have a really bad habit of visualizing something in my mind and when it doesn't  turn out as I envisioned it  - I am irritated and stressed.   


  1. I'm currently in a similar state. Couple nights ago, I woke up at 3 am and proceeded to pace while thinking about trivial things. No clue as to why. I hope both you and I find peace soon.

    BTW: Thanks for the comment on my blog!

    1. Aggghhh still struggling to sleep. Hope you are having better luck then I am. :)