Monday, February 6, 2012

PCOS and my closet - they are not friends

I finally got my period last week - (if you have not read the recent posts).  Until then I was feeling pretty disheartened in general.  PCOS has affected lots of things about me.... but a really hard aspect to deal with is  -  not feeling good about myself.  

I really don't enjoy shopping like I used to and  I am no longer interested in going places where I may need to dress up.  I have never been a gal that "needed to put her face on" before going out, I used to be totally secure in my appearance. I only used makeup when I wanted to - and felt totally fine leaving the house in "lazy stretch pants" or a basic hoody.   Now, it's the opposite - I feel extremely insecure about my appearance.   I have zero desire to "dress up" or  "put on make up" I actually view it now as a huge chore, rather then something I used to enjoy.  

I went from 128 to 164lbs in a years time, when I went of birth control pills(currently at 157).  I have loads of clothes that don't fit and that I can't part with.  We have a very convenient Salvation Army Donation bin in my condo building, and I have donated plenty of items.... but there are so many I still have kept hoping that I would/will/maybe fit into one day.  I should really find out how much money I have spent in clothes these past years - I have had to totally update my closet with larger sizes a few times.  

I have a closet that ranges from size 4 to 14!  It's maddening to me - to be reminded of all the things that I love - that simply do not fit.  

Although, one good thing (good kind of) to come out of this weight struggle is I have gotten better about "saving" clothes.  Classic example 2 years ago I bought a winter jacket near the end of the season on sale with the plan to "save" it and wear it as a new winter jacket the following winter.  Well, as you may have guessed it doesn't fit... and most likely never will.  I am not saving anything anymore... who knows if it will fit next week?!?  Does anyone else save clothes?  I used to do it all the time. I also have noticed that I like to stick to key pieces in my wardrobe - and then I totally wear them out and ignore other clothing, but that is a separate issue. 

I think this week I am going to try to sort out my-closet and get serious about donating, wearing and of course a small hopeful pile for some items that I love and can hope to fit in to.  My closet causes me much anxiety - b/c I know that I really don't have many items that fit - or that I need to try on to see if they fit.  To the unsuspecting eye - you'd think I was obsessed with clothes.  So check back this week and I'll keep you updated on how it went.  

1 comment:

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